Dear Devan,

Dear Readers,

Happy post Valentine's Day. Though it is technically not an official holiday it is a day that always reminds us that love is in the air. Whether you were single and celebrating single awareness day or you were in a relationship celebrating your love for one another, its a day that most do not forget. Love is unique in that it is all encompassing. It can bring about every emotions the heart and mind could ever feel. Love is a requirement in everyone's life in one form or another.

The ability to love and be loved is something we all seek. Although it may not be a conscious part of your mentality, it is definitely something that is sought after. Love is powerful in that it can make you do things you would not normally do. It is also a focal point for the struggling that keeps people moving on. When I think of love, I don't mean just that in a relationship, I mean any and all love.

So whether you celebrated or postpone the celebration, remember that Valentine's day is a reminder that we have love, the ability to love, and the ability to be loved. So it's not just a hallmark holiday is should be a day that remind you that love is in the air, and in your "space." Love is everlasting and make the weakest of hearts strong again.

Keep Loving,

Sincerely,

Devan

Dear Devan,

I haven't been on a first date in a long time, but I have one this weekend. Any suggestions? I know I shouldn't think this, but Valentines day is coming up and its been a long time since I've gone on an actual date on Valentines. I really want the first date to go well.

Please help Devan!!!

Dear Cupid Finder,

First dates are very important because of how often they dictate whether or not there will be a second date. Whether it is a blind date or someone you've known but this is your actual first date, there is one big thing to remember. Be thoughtful. Its true that what you plan on the date reflects who you are, but keep it simple. Remember to be thoughtful and be common when common sense and common courtesies apply. Something that I've noticed over the years is that common sense is rarely common.

Being common means doing things that are sometimes overlooked. As a guy, I am referring to things such as opening doors, saying thanks, dropping compliments, and of course picking up the bill for the first date. As a girl, I'm referring to offering to pay for the check (but don't actually pay because it is a first date), saying thanks, appreciating compliments, and saying something nice. I know its easy to be nervous and apprehensive on your first date, but being natural and comforting the other person can go a long way.

As for the date, I would always recommend a nice dinner place.... that does not mean CUT/Spaggo's, but also not the Olive Garden. I would say somewhere that is serene, but not too quiet, a place that has some background noise yet is low enough where you can converse. Depending on the type of food the person you are planning for likes there are a thousand and one good first date relationships. If you need some suggestions, just give me the area you are located and I'll send you some recommendations.

It is important to choose a good location for the date because the environment will help ease any anxiety or nervouseness you may have. During dinner plan to offer something you've heard about the food, you don't have to, but you'd be surprised how impressed they might be if you showed you care. Its comparable to when you go to a job interview and you know something about the company. Knowing things the other person likes starts with previous conversations that most likely brought you to this first date. Showing that you listened and observed shows that you care.

As a general rule try to order something that will not pre-occupy you during dinner. For example, do not order a whole crab or chicken wings because no matter how you eat it, its not going to look classy for your first date. Remember pick a good place for dinner with great ambiance and food, but make conversation the most important thing.

It's easier said than done, but be yourself. Of course you will be more cautious on your first date, but keep your eyes on the prize, which is that second date, and things may be easier.

Think of Valentine's as another day for dates, and it just happens more people go on dates that day. So if you play your cards right on your first date, Valentines day will just be a second thought.

Good Dating,

Sincerely,

Devan

Dear Devan,

When do you think is a good time to start dating someone new after you've just got out of a relationship?

Dear Moving On,

Getting out of a relationship is never easy, but its definitely a part of dating. The majority of people typically have a few relationships throughout their dating life before they find the right one. A lot people believe it is better to wait until you're ready or you will not be able to honestly start a relationship.

I have two perspectives on this subject that I believe may apply to most people. Both could help people after getting out of relationships, and wanting to go back on the "market"

1. Of course there is the cliche and "so-called" right thing to do, which is to wait until you are ready to be in another relationship before you start dating. Ideally you want to make sure that you are emotionally and mentally ready. By doing so, you can ensure that you can take the mistakes and lessons you've learned from your past relationship, and make it the agent of change in your next one.

Its definitely not a process that is to be rushed. I always tell people you need to take the time rather than dwelling on the past relationships to put it into doing something constructive. Whether it is to start a new hobby or catch up with friends you neglected during your the time you spent on relationship, it is good revive your whole psyche.

So timing wise, it definitely does vary depending on certain circumstances. Such as: The length of your past relationship; whether you were the dumper or dumpy; how serious your past relationship was. The deeper and longer the relationship the more the time it will require.

2. The second perspective is to jump right in; get back on the horse; start rebounding. Some wise people would say the best way to get over someone in the past is to find someone new. In many ways its not that you just miss the person, but you miss the routine. In order to break a routine something new must come about. Dating and meeting new people are some of the best ways to start new habits.

Sometimes what you had may have been good, but to entertaining the idea of what you could have may be better. Its true when people say "you don't know what you have till you lose it," but I would say its also important to remember sometimes "you just didn't know any better, or you'd change." Both take a look at breaking up from two separate viewpoints, but both may not be most consoling.

Rebounding is an art and not everyone is able to do so. Sometimes people do it to get right back into a routine or fill some empty void, but others use it because they are seeking something better than what they previously experienced. The second perspective has no time limit, starts as soon as you meet someone new. Some view it as a numbers game, and rather than using time to do something constructive, they use dating as their medication to their self-healing.

Whichever way you choose, as your start time to dating again, remember both perspectives have a key theme. The common theme is that you need to get back out there. You need to get back on the market and find someone new. Just like your salary, you hope that your next job will pay you more than your last. And in relationships you hope that your next will be your best and hopefully your last.

Good getting back on the "market"

Sincerely,

Devan

Dear Readers,

Happy New Year's to all. I know its been quite a while since I have written last, but I figured today would be a great day to start writing again.

At the beginning of each year, it seems that we always try to follow new resolutions. Whether it be starting something we longed to finish or doing something in a different way, generally we are always wanting to make ourselves better. As a proponent to resolutions, I believe it is necessary to have resolutions. However, to think that they should have a start and stop date may not be doing anyone justice.

The greatest resolution I have for myself in the coming year is to commit myself to making myself more available and give a conservative effort to people. In the past year, I've felt like I've spread myself thin, and was not able to fully commit time. It sounds like a simple commitment, but just as anyone it is easier to get back to your usual routine than to make any drastic change.

So my question to you is this? What types of resolutions have you come up with this year? More importantly, what are you plans to fulfill those resolutions.

As for me, I plan to slow down, let time be an asset and live like with importance. Sometimes the most significant moments in life are the simplest of times with the most meaningful people.

Resolution has great power, and doesn't have to be a yearly thing. Wishing for more change is not as good as being the agent of change.

Sincerely,

Devan

Reader Writes:

Dear Devan,

How do I date a mom with a couple kids? We both see it merely as a short term relationship with no longer term possibilities, but I want to remain friends afterwards...ideas/thoughts on how to approach this without being...Awkward.

Avoiding Awkwardness

Dear Mother Lover,

Attraction is something that can not be avoided, but acting on the attraction can. In this case you need to weigh the consequences of dating a mother of two kids.

Let's pain out the scenarios from worst to most desirable.

1. You end up dating her, and you guys don't end things so amicably because one of you become more involved in the relationship than expected. The worst part is her fertile nature has caused her another pregnancy. It's yours. Variations of this scenario you can imagine. WORST CASE

2. You end up dating and do find yourself liking her more than she likes you, and you are on separate pages about pursuing a relationship, and she breaks your heart.

3. You end up pursuing a relationship with her because you find yourself really enjoying her company and personality. You find yourself ready to be a pseudo-daddy and eventually your realized you are in over your head.

4. You end up dating her and you guys have decided to break up, but there is always a bit of ackwardness because the friendship needs time to recover, and maybe never gets back to where it once was.

5. In the best case scenario, the relationship was like a dream and the both of you are okay to move on with your lives without affecting your already established friendship. Both people are okay with one another meeting and dating new people. BEST CASE

In the extreme worse case scenario, you change your life more than you ever wanted. However, I would say you will end up somewhere between 4 and 5. I just wanted to throw out the other possibilities to give you some perspective.

Akwardness is what you make of it. If you go into this without clear expectations and no assumptions, than you should be able to make it out without worry. However, if you start assuming that she feels how you do and will then it may not be so easy in the end. In any case if you're single without any responsibilities to worry about then proceed indeed.

Good Dating,

Sincerely,

Devan